You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
