so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
