What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
