apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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