I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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