Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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