Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
