Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
