He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need to align my fucking chakras
I smell like Dick and happiness
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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