im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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