I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
