bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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