Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
