I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
