why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
