I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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