ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
