Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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