She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize