drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
