??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
