Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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