My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
