Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I deserve this hangover.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize