When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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