brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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