I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can I color on your dick again?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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