tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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