there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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