Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
