I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
