they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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