kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
