If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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