i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
