Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
