i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
