I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize