Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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