if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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