Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm having to shit out rocks
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