How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
