guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
