obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
