yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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