So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize