mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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