dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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