you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
