I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
