i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
