just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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