you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
