I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and she was petting her beer can
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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