Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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