yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
