I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You peed on a flamingo?!?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
