I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
