dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
