My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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