Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
