Got a toothbrush?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
