great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize