READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
