New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
