I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
