: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
