Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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