Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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