it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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