You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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