i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
