The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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