So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
