we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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