What did we do last night that was yellow?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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