well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize