I'm so fucking centered right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
