I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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