youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize