Well apparently he's into motor boating.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
