I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
