His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
