She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
