And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love having hate sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize