I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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