it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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