One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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