Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
