Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
